Thor Ragnarok: Part the Beta Ray Bill

Man, Beta Ray is great, but it’s all too serious here. There’s some nonsense as soon as he appears where he just takes everyone out. It’s neat, but then immediately Lady Sif, who’s not dead, starts complaining about Thor ignoring her? In the middle of an apocalypse? Like, this is something that is such a flaw of men writing these stories. It’s designed to make these women seem weak and stupid. It fits into the notion we have of nagging women being selfish. It is hard to imagine that in this perilous time Lady Sif would be concerned about Thor’s longing gaze more than about all of her dead comrades. She even tells the story of the end of the Valkyrie and has less emotion for that than for the idea of Thor ignoring her. It’s thoroughly trash writing and art in combination.

So Beta Ray Bill becomes King of Asgard. Because no one is left. And what? Like. Bill’s my horse and all, but there is nothing that makes sense about Thor abdicating to Bill right now. As soon as Thor leaves we get more stagnant shots of Thor meditating with some stars in the background and a lot of text blocks of bad faux poetry.

We’re saved from that mundanity by the atrociousness of the odinpower being made manifest as a boy ghost. It speaks in the same awful fake New King James speech that plagues all the gods. It cannot choose between “you” and “thou” or “thine.” It switches in and out at random. It’s obvious no research was done on the writers or editors part. They just do what they feel sounds other worldy enough. The bit where Thor pulls out both of his eyes is topped with a bit of ableism. As if being blind was the end of Thor’s life. And then everything odinpower says afterwards is garbage. It quite literally doesn’t make sense. It’ a lot of words around a bad concept. This whole conversation is supposedly leading somewhere, but only god knows where it could go. Can’t wait to be done with this.

Ragnarok Part the Third

The farther along in this book I get I am coming to realize that I don’t like the color choices here. I think it has to do with the depth of the backgrounds? Quite possibly it’s the shadings. There’s a scene where some elves are in the snow, and an evil ship comes out of the sky to attack them, and it all looks stolid in a way I’m not certain they were going for. I think there’s some glossy paper problems in this assessment, but the arts and colors are just off to me. Also, the statue with the chainmail open shoulder dress is hecka dumb.

Storywise, that Thor is carrying around this baby makes no sense. A warrior king in war has no time for this. I don’t understand the pacing either. It wants to kill all the characters, but doesn’t want to show them dying? Volstag’s wasting away needed to be shown, though? This walk through the woods where we get all these closeups and talk with this child a bunch of garbage. “A bee will always sting when it feels winter’s approach” is by far the dumbest phrase. That’s simply scientifically inaccurate and slanderous towards bees. It’s also trash logic when talking about people (or gods I guess). Yes, bad people are bad, but the idea that someone had no choice but to be bad is dangerous logic. It takes agency away from the evil that loki is doing. Also, these volstag close up shots are awful. This sort of travelogue of sadness that happens here is bad. I know what they’re going for, but it’s not actually good. I’m not spending any of my mental energy thinking of how to do it better, they got paid for this, they could’ve done it better.

Okay, so the book fake kills lady sif twice, actually kills valkrye. Honestly, issue three is a trainwreck and a travesty. You know how awful it is that the cliffhanger appearance of my favorite thor character could not even redeem this book.

 

Ragnarok Part the Second

The dialogue is laughably bad. When Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America arrive back at Odin’s palace they find a bunch of dead bodies. They’re all pretty grody, but one is wearing a pink dress and I think has a baby beside it, and this let’s us no the people who did the killing are indeed bad. If the last issue felt too super hero-y this one definitely does. Apparently none of the gods of Asgard could stand against Loki and his three henchmen, but Iron Man and Captain America are putting up a strong fight. It’s fine, but it just makes every bit of Asgard seem wasted and useless. Like, how were Fenris, Ulik, and some Giant bound before?

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There’s two and a half pages here of just action. And man, do I wish I haven’t been spoiled since I last read this book by much better comic action sequences. It’s very clean, but not very easy to follow from a storytelling perspective. Too many glowing explosions. There’s just a bunch of art that doesn’t make sense here. The scene where, I assume, the trio tries to break the giant’s hammer is just. . .I don’t know.

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And the ending of this chapter is bad bad bad. Apparently there are some Asgardians yet, but . . ..they were just camping out singing. Having a funeral? For just one person. Not for the countless dead, but just one dude. He makes them the saddest. And the dialogue here. Man. The bad ye olde speech is terrible enough, but the attempt at emotion over death, the attempt at a fiery speech here on the face of the apocalypse. It all falls terribly flat and there’s no clue as to what is coming next from a narrative standpoint.

The Mighty Thor: Disassembled (Part 1)

I don’t even remember when this came out, but I remember liking it at the time. Who knows what it’ll feel like in 2017. One weird thing about this tpb is that the title on the front does not match the spine title. The Mighty Thor Disassembled is the front cover title, but the spine title is “Avengers Disassembled: Thor.” That’s the only thing that reminds me this book was a part of a big Avengers event back whenever this happened. I honestly don’t believe I read another issue of the event from any of the adjacent titles.

Time to go to wiki. (leaves and immediately comes back). Holy crap this is the start of all the terrible Scarlet Witch stuff. omg. I’m actually glad I missed out on all of this. Sure it’s responsible (not really. This is something that will come up later; that a good book that happens years after a bad decision doesn’t make the bad decision okay because it implies the good book couldn’t exist otherwise) for young avengers (which was my favorite marvel book for like, five months at least before they did dumb shit to the black character like all these fucking marvel books are inclined to do).

I hate the cover of this book. (sharp change of pace I know). It’s that art that looks almost like bad CG. That’s not my favorite look. The internal art is significantly improved. It’s the cover. I don’t know what the specific name for this kind of cover is but it’s bad. It’s like floppy and glossy? I hate it. Anyway. That’s the introduction. I always hope I like these books. I’m pretty sure Beta Ray Bill makes an appearance.

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